Active Patience

I believe we all know what God wants from us, call it a conscious, I like to call it a lil voice from the Holy Spirit, to me same thing, but I think we know. We know when that dating relationship we just started is not going to amount to marriage, and we know when we should really let go of certain “addictions” in life. But it is just so hard too. We cling to an idea, or an object, or a person to fill a void Christ is waiting to fill. And all we have to do is let go….but there’s one other step to this process. I have heard so many times to ”let go and let God”. Well, that is a catchy lil phrase, but what does “letting God” actually mean?

I have ready those typical dating Christian life books that talk about what a man should be like in Christ’s image and what a woman should be like in the same. Do you know what is so often said? That a man should not be passive nor aggressive in his pursuits of life. Taking that women are made from the rib of a man I would say that statement holds truth to us as well. So as Christians we should not be passive or aggressive but find the middle ground of balance in our pursuits. That’s hard when excitement takes over, even harder when you are discouraged. So, here is the past 2 weeks and the lesson I learned.

In the past weeks I have worked a ton of hours at Starbucks, was accepted and ordered my books for my first semester of my Master’s Degree, started an interview process at a church plant in Western Pennsylvania, added two new recruits to my Mary Kay business, and began scheduling for music lessons to begin this following week. That is a lot to take in. And this past week proved there is little to no time left past these activities.

So, this lesson is more than learning balance in life. Every activity I am involved in I feel is a part of me and a part of God’s plan in and for my life. Just maybe not all at once. A few weeks ago I heard a word in prayer that made no sense then but has since revealed itself in the most intense way. I asked God for a word, something He wanted me to know. He gave me the word “Home”. I have felt this urgency for a time that I needed to go back to PA and be with family. Even more, I have felt and urgency to the broken people in the area and surrounding areas to know Christ and begin to heal. A few days ago news of sickness in a close family member arrived. And though there is peace, time is not on our family’s side and every moment counts. When I heard the word “Home” tears came to my eyes instantly and I felt a great pain in my heart. I asked everyday for a month what it meant, what was coming, what I was suppose to know. The peace in this situation is the knowledge of a family member that will go home to be with a Father for eternity, but for the family that will miss that person and those that will be walking the journey to the end this will be time of great reliance on God and rest only in His promise and truth.

With no time at this point in my life and a new urgency I now question what I can give up for this time. My answer came through a Pastor’s words yesterday 5:45pm at Starbucks. An offer was extended for the position of worship leader at a local church and with that a description of the dream of the position that fit in a way that gave me peace to give up my own dreams of counseling knowing God will give that dream back to me in the future in His new time. The description was of building 3 worship teams, booking shows, producing music, planting churches, and all with full support to teach music lessons and work my Mary Kay business. The Pastor saw the opportunities of activities I already do that could impact the area and without realizing it answered a question I have been asking since college ended. What should I be doing? And what should I give up? And not knowing it by the end of the night I realized how Starbucks fits into this plan as well, providing extra income while the position builds to fulltime, even providing beans to the church Sunday to brew Starbucks fresh coffee with my weekly free 1lbs bag! And the conversation I had as a fellow partner at another Starbucks opened into a mission’s moment taking time to connect with a Barista and ask about her dreams and talk about her worries.

I honestly believe that each time we give a little more up and turn more to God He reveals another piece to the puzzle. But it requires us to also take steps of faith to Him. I had to have my books ordered to start my classes before the opportunity with the church arrived. And my decisions on what to put on hold are in response to God beginning the journey calling a family member home. And if someone told me I was just not patient and acted to fast I would tell them this. My application was already through months ago, and I had a peace about registering for classes and a reborn drive to begin working with people and serving my God. Once that drive was reborn this church opportunity arose and I saw a plan in the making that was specifically placed for this time because I moved into it with Christ in my heart. Each piece fits together and now God is allowing me to know it is alright to wait because the dream and passion is still in my heart and the time will be right soon. When we are active in God’s plan, with Christ in our heart, He helps us to give up those things that seemed so important before. It is when we are passively waiting that we begin to cling thinking our lives are what WE want. Actively wait… anticipation is key. We must be excited, must be driven, and must be willing to look completely ridiculous in the process. Everyone knows I’m starting my master’s degree this month. And to everyone it must look like I change my mind every three days, but it is that willingness that led me to where I am, where God has planted me, and where He will work through me. Starbucks was not in the plans and honestly made no sense, I even had a person ask me “with all the things you have done, places you have lived already, places you could have been, why are you back here working at Starbucks?” My response every time is that only God knows… literally. There is nothing that says within the next year I will still be living here working the same jobs. The only constant in this life is Christ living within us. But life without Christ directing our days is confusing and dependent on self.  I want to do a lot in this life, and I think God has wired me to be that way. How else would He move me place to place so easily and from job to job like He has and continues to do.

So that is the lesson…we are only a step away from the great ocean, but one step can mean the beginning of greater journeys we cannot imagine. Don’t accept that life will be anything less than great, God can take you where you are and make the incredible happen.

"Worship" post Christian college life and thoughts

Worship is not music. Worship is simply our connection to God. "We cant stay in this place, Imagine what worship would be like if everyone came in already connected saying I don't need a song to get me connected, because I fought all week long for this connection because it is the Most important thing in my life." Kim Walker

Ephesians 1:5-12

"Praise His Glory"

He destined us in love to be his sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace which he freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace which he lavished upon us. For he has made known to us in all wisdom and insight the mystery of his will, according to his purpose which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him, according to the purpose of Him who accomplishes all things according to the counsel of his will, we who first hoped in Christ have been destined and appointed to live for the praise of his glory.

 

I don’t want to get jolted awake only in moments. I want to live not by saying I am walking with God, or posting my daily Bible verse to facebook or twitter, or trying to act like I have it together when I don’t. I also don’t want to live looking for exciting moments apart from God. At any moment any one of us can slip….but at any moment each and every one of us can worship God. It doesn’t take a song, it doesn’t take us going to church, it doesn’t take us reading the latest greatest Christian book on the market. It only takes our hearts opened in surrender before Jesus. Each day will be a battle, each day a question of what God is doing. But what if we could just trust, what if we didn’t have to question, what if we didn’t hold our hearts back because of circumstances but we just worshiped. Lets be real, I feel Crisp. I feel held back, left behind, unused. And all the while right in front of me God is pointing me to truth, to problem areas in life, and to Him and His plans for my life. So I turned down two churches for a staff position, listened and stayed and He provided. But a few weeks into this life I begin to panic and question. Those real world problems start to sneak in and I start to look for an escape. I don’t have the answer tonight to what this is, only prayers….and this is what I am praying for.

A clear direction in ministry even just a small glance that is so powerful it stays with me and grows into a fiery passion in my heart and life so His Glory shines through to others. A sincere heart for others free of judgment but filled with wisdom to handle tough conversations and show love that heals. Those around me, encouraging and those who tear down, that I may take the positive words spoken into my life and carry them with strength and leave the negative behind. For the future I refuse to accept as a typical house with kids and a husband but rather an audacious adventure that I cannot even imagine or dream of. And for the man who will lead me into ministry with him with Christ as our center with strength, wisdom, and a love that will move mountains with a humbleness that will allow Christ to be seen to others. Discouragement has no place in my life and I pray against the thoughts that tell me to give up and the fear to step out in faith. 

This is not Crown College life anymore, this is the real deal life in the raw with no boundaries, to rules, only what you discover with Christ living in you. Christ within us is what changes our lives kicking out what is not of Christ and keeping what is...it is part of a transformation and easily lost when the focus turns to self. When your conscience goes off its screaming "What are you doing, this is not you, why are you doing this." And we all hear the screams. 

And yet through all the confusion, slight anguish, and my own conscience screams I still know one thing. My life is not my own, even though sometimes I think I can act like it is, and Christ will show me the way and all I have to do is live in worship.

God’s plan is still better than mine. "Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs." I'm starving for this conversation.

Ephesians 5:1-20

"Live in His Grace"

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person (such a man is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

HOME

Humbling ourselves does not mean we think less of ourselves but rather remove our own wants, thoughts, and self from the situation so that Christ can take hold and shine through. For the first time in a long time I am really focusing on listening. Listening to the point I don’t even give my own thoughts on the subject, just listen and pray God will reveal the answer. The scary thing is….He does. It’s like He is letting me know I don’t have to take the responsibility to help in any other way but to just tell Him. How many times do we get frustrated wishing people would just understand? Have we taken time to go to God and ask Him to get involved or consider ourselves adequate enough to handle the situation ourselves? Just another lesson in submitting to God I guess…

I have felt for so long that I am running from Home. I honestly don’t really know the word…In the past year I have been longing, craving, for stability, rest, a home. So post college, I have my job, a beautiful house to live in, a precious puppy to take care of, an amazing church to serve in, and neighboring churches to connect with and still there is this longing. Tuesday night a friend and I attended a local church college group. The challenge of the night was a listening exercise. Go figure. How often do we really take time to let God speak or are we so filled with noise and our own words we cant hear His breaking through. Of course my word was Home. I guess I thought I would get some epic wordage from God…but the more this word unravels I see there may be a door opening that was locked until just this moment in time. With the word I got this image. I was in my home church lobby….alone…I have always thought about the windows in this lobby because it is entirely windows on all the walls…and rays of pure light were shining through, and the world faded away for a moment. Everything was still, warm, simple, and pure. His presence was so strong but so gentle, just light, purest of light.

 There is something that happens when I hear certain hymns. I get this feeling, like I am in that room, but the presence is so strong I cannot hold myself back from tears.

 Psalms 56:8 says, “You've kept track of my every toss and turn
      through the sleepless nights,
   Each tear entered in your ledger,
      each ache written in your book.”

Is it possible to have joyful tears and tears of pain at the same exact time?

Something brings me back to Home…but what is Home? I think Home to me is this longing I constantly have for those glimpses of Heaven on Earth when the Holy Spirit completely takes over all those there to worship and each heart and soul is draw to their knees before the Throne. Heaven is brought to Earth when hearts align in worship.

I have thought alot lately about where I have come from to where I went to where I am now. I think I spent so much time looking for something to do, some ministry to start, some new group to be part of, that I didn’t give God a chance to just tell me where to go next. It all worked out of course it seems. God can take anything and use it for His glory in the end. But now, I am truly at a crossroads in life. I have the degree, I have gifts, talents, and the will to go. But no clue really what’s going to happen. I have said it a lot lately…God only shows us glimpses so we don’t get too carried away and try to finish the race before we have even taken a step. And in some scary ways God has started to unravel some pieces I didn’t expect. And placed certain people in my path to begin to bring me back from my running. And believe me I have been running, just the wrong race. If I say I trust God, but then make an excuse, well…I really am not trusting. And my human nature would much rather do it my way. Live it safe even though I seem like a person who would jump at the risk. Would I really move again if He called? Or would I make an excuse to stay? If a person comes to me for encouragement, prayer, or a listening ear and because of my own want, or opinion, or down right fear I turn them away when it is obvious God placed them in my path…what am I saying to Him? Humility means taking myself out of the equation.

So what is Home…well…the whole definition is still not clear. But some pieces are coming together. I began in worship; my memories of home are moments where the presence of God felt like a hand of my shoulder. In that lobby, at my Grandmothers piano playing the same three chords for hours just soaked in Love, leading worship for the first time at camp and watching every single person drop to their knees crying out to God and seeing healing flood to them, those chapels at college where the band would worship for over an hour and walk of stage as no one in the room moved but continued to sing praise to God without the band…for the next hour. Walking through the woods alone as a child but knowing I am never really alone and believing it so much I talked out loud to Jesus because He was right there walking with me. I devoted my life to worship in music, in words, in how I love. Worship is and will always be the main focus, that I cannot deny. I don’t know what the next week holds, or month, or year. But I can now take each day as it comes, knowing God has each day numbered, and holds it in the palm of His hand. And He is smiling at me and crying with me. His plan will always be better than the one I can create myself. I am praying He allows me the chance to live my life bringing glimpses of Heaven to His children.

Revelation 5

Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they were saying:

   “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,
   to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength
   and honor and glory and praise!”

 Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying:

   “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
   be praise and honor and glory and power,
for ever and ever!”

The evil "I"

Today I revisited some lyrics and songs I wrote this past year at Crown. I have been feeling a pull and with God’s provision of resources and people have been praying about recording. I noticed something right away…the songs that were not entirely finished…all had one common problem.

Worship is a lifestyle…importantly because worship is a direct connection to God. A connection straight to heaven that can bring glimpses of heaven to earth as we honor and praise like we were made to do. “ And the things of this earth grow strangely dim…”

The songs that were not working lyrically were “I” songs. They were slightly complaints, pain, or wanting from God but to suit myself not Him.
Those that were finished, they were all songs about Him, love letters to Him, praise to Him, and if “I” was ever mentioned…it was not because of a want…but a cry out in love to Him ‘I cry out” “Let my words be yours” “Ill sing because you will hear me” “I will fall in love with you “ again and again each day.

Maybe to another artist these lyrics would be something, but to me they are nothing. I knew along time ago I sing for Jesus, and no one else. I can sound good singing a pop song, but it is completely meaningless to me and is nothing like the moment the Holy Spirit draws into the room and I am directly connected and madly wholly in love with my Father and my Savior.

When we stop thinking so much about what we want…actually giving up in a sense the wants of this world, there is this release and peace that floods into our lives. Its okay if God leads you halfway across the world at a moments notice, or puts you in what you thought would be an uncomfortable place. His plans will always, ALWAYS, be better than ours. And there are times He calls us into desert valleys, to learn, to push through, to come to Him for help relying on His strength.


Last Monday I had a small but extremely important reminder/revelation. Our Connect group from Crossroads and the topic of the night was on speaking God’s word into our lives. It dawned on me that I had been neglecting to speak truth into my life and even speak out loud to Jesus. My time with Him was being neglected, and even worse…I in my human stupid-ness was wondering why I was feeling drained, slightly beat up, as Pastor Dave would say…”alil crispy”. I cried just talking about it. Because I know the power in that, have been proven it many times, and yet it’s like I just forgot…how can I forget a love so powerful?

When I was little, pre kinder garden ages I was an only child in the middle of nowhere without neighborhood kids to play with. I knew about Jesus because the few family members I came in contact with told me about Him constantly. I knew I had no reason to be afraid because Jesus was with me and God was always watching over me because He created me. I am His. So in the country when you are constantly playing outside by your self with no one around…I walked and talked to my two friends. (I had a cat too that followed me around too but that’s besides the point.) ☺ I’d walk through the woods and know I was not alone and have a full out conversation at 4 years old with Jesus. Talk about childlike faith. I remember that time like it was the perfect world. You can say it is because I was young and all children think of those times as great because they didn’t understand the world yet but honestly, I believe heaven will be like that. No knowledge of the pain, hurt, brokenness of this world. The sun always shining, the grass ever so green, all nature and creation perfect like Eden. A constant content glorious walk with Jesus while the Father stands smiling at His creation heart overflowing and tears in His eyes ready to run out to join that perfect moment. And to think He loves us all the same, extremely.

It is not about “I”. If it were, we would constantly be drained, feel worthless, struggle to walk with Him on water. When it is all about Him though…the struggle is different. It is at least not a battle with self though the battle with the world still remains. And when we battle through troubles in this world any self change must be made through Christ in us or else we will cover the wound, not heal it. The worlds healing like the never ending Band-Aid and the Neosporin isn’t working. The infection won’t go away. Healing from Jesus works from the inside out, kills the infection inside with no Band-Aid, no Neosporin, and once it is clean and purified the wound closes instantly. Jesus doesn’t need a Band-Aid to heal the blind man not only physically but spiritually as well. And when the price to pay is to shout in praise for the work done and proclaim it to the entire world how different it could all be with Jesus in our lives…well that beats paying for the never ending supply of worldly Band-Aids.

It never ceases to amaze me how pitifully stupid I can be, and how much I need NEED Christ in my life. I need Him so bad each day to keep me going, to push on in the race. Not a day goes by now that I don’t question what I am doing with my life. And that is because I am human, doubtful, and weak. But when I bring those questions to Him, and I do…each and everyday…He takes my hand, reminds me why, takes me back to all those moments I have had with Him, watched His healing, His mercy, and He breaks my heart all over again filling it with the passion and vision that is drained from me daily. He renews my heart, my soul. I submit to Him each day because He stands up to be my stronghold and in His strong arms I cannot fail.

Revelation 4:8,11

“‘Holy, holy, holy

is the Lord God Almighty,’

who was, and is, and is to come.”

“You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being.”

Refreshing and Reminding

Worry, fear, anxiety are not from God. Don't listen to the lies that cause the negative thoughts, cause you to hide away, cause you to think you can only do it alone. You are not alone. Chances are Jesus is standing right next to you waiting to take your hand and heal it all...but you have to give up and take the offer. What’s really worth living for in the end? And who do you life for?
Evil wants you to be alone, to seek perfection of self, not excellence already planned for your life by God. Perfection is unattainable. Excellence is what we were made for. But this excellence is not of this world.
It is so simple but so hard to grasp…that when we give it to God He will provide. When your life is in sync with the plan…everything else falls into plan. The puzzle pieces always fit when God is putting them together…we can guess and guess at where they fit. Sometimes we figure it out…but more than not we give up. Doing it yourself is exhausting and discouraging. Who wants to live like that? Totally drained, a negative outlook, wondering if it will ever get any better.
You know the answer. You have known the answer. Something inside each of us knows what we really need…but a part also knows what we “want”.
Have you ever considered that living with less is more? That happiness doesn’t mean you must have a college education and make loads of money and be successful. What does success mean to you? We get to disconnect to the excellence of God we aim for this disillusioned view of what life should be. Marriage, a family, a job, a house, a dog, growing old with family around us…That’s nice…and yes I want that. But if God calls me to Him tomorrow…will I not have been successful in the time spent on earth? Each day is separate. Each day is a new day to live, to love, to show Christ to the world. Is that not the whole point? Christ. Show Christ to the world through our lives, our words, and our love. Love that is shaped by Him...In us…through the Holy Spirit.
Life will never be all the best times, but each day can be a Glorious day for God. Even in sickness, poverty, loss, times where we feel like giving up. Look around you, outside the mess, the world still rotates, still grows, still shows beauty in creation. God is with us…even when we think we are alone. Our breath is a gift. Our beating hearts are a gift.
We forget we know only a smidgen of who God really is. The incredible intense heavenly Father of us all…we know what He has done, we are told he is magnificent, powerful, knower of all, with great love. But we cannot obtain the thoughts or knowledge of how true this all is with our human brains. It would be an overload! Words cannot match the truth of it all! We look forward to truly knowing…that alone should be something to wake up to each day happy and excited because someday when this world grows dim…the Light will shine…after the darkness.
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life.

Deuteronomy 4:31
But even there, if you seek your God, you'll be able to find him if you're serious, looking for him with your whole heart and soul. When troubles come and all these awful things happen to you, in future days you will come back to, your God, and listen obediently to what he says. your God, is above all a compassionate God. In the end he will not abandon you, he won't bring you to ruin, he won't forget the covenant with your ancestors which he swore to them.

Packaging it up and bringing it back home...

Doing something for the ministry or doing something because God led you to do something even though you do not know why.

Recently, I have been battling back and forth with decisions on career paths. I know whatever I do will be used in Ministry but figuring out what that may be is difficult. In some ways I want to teach, but it is not my #1 passion. Part of me wants to build the Mary Kay dream, and I do have a lot more passion for that as a career. Part of me wants to take off on a tour bus signed to a band contract for a year or so. Now that sounds like a great first career path. Maybe Ill just write a devotional book, or maybe not. ☺ But whatever I do, I must do in God’s time. Whatever I do I will move toward because the Spirit moved me...not because I weighed my options. What I always thought before was I need to find something that is linked to ministry. I have to pair ministry with whatever that career/job is. Perhaps, I thought of it in the wrong way.

I am a pre seminary student. I will graduate from my undergraduate in 2 months, and start seminary classes in the fall. I have felt moved to pursue a master’s degree in Pastoral Counseling. God led me to a place that is not always sunny and where people need to see hope and the light of Christ in their lives. Not that they don’t need that everywhere, but from experience I can say that living in an area where the sun only shines 110 days out of the year can pull you into a funk that is hard to crawl out of.
Listening to people fuels my desire to serve others. I want to give even when there is nothing to give that I can provide. Recently I have been sending out messages and emails to friends from the area trying to reconnect to those I knew years ago. Many of them respond right away and spill the updates to their lives to me instantly. One woman in particular jumped out at me when she said these two things. “I feel like I work all the time and have no social life” and “I am looking for a part time job”. I hope she reads this blog and smiles because sister I am praying for you and God has placed you on my heart! I am realizing in this that I desire to see her life turn around so she is happy, so she finds that whatever career she works in is fulfilling because God can use anything we do while we walk this path of life with Him.
What is important to us? What do we want out of life? What do we feel called too? What is life in the ministry? I guess my mind has been wrapped around this idea that my only job can be serving in a church, doing music, teaching, and eventually counseling but all within the church walls. When did I loose my focus on the big picture? The building itself is a building. The church is the people. I am part of the church. No matter what I decide to do and no matter where my office desk is, I am still able to do work that can be used by God.
I am living with a very special woman of God while on internship. She has been watching and giving tidbits of advice the past two weeks to life and ministry. What she said to me makes a lot of sense. We always say we are using whatever job as a ministry tool. Well are we? Or maybe we need to quit focusing on what we wrote down to do and just let God take it. Work in what the Spirit moved us too, and see what will come along the way. God can use anything we do if we belong to Him. I am trying to reason some career options based on the value they could hold in ministry. In what field can I do the most? Wrong thinking! I could be the music pastor in a church and do diddly squat for the kingdom while a person with a job outside the church may do more just living with Christ in their life walking with Him each day.

As frazzled as this blog I send my apologies. I am processing this even as I type it out. What I am realizing is that it is more important to let the Spirit lead than to try to nail down this one option based on what the outcome could be. Live a life that is led by Christ and Gods will WILL be done. Whatever my decision….it will be used.

Money vs God

There is a feeling of helplessness when you log into your online bank account to see that not only do you not have any money…but you have –dollars and no way to pay. Did I mention that the bank you bank with is also nowhere in the area you now live? And you have no other bank to thus transfer funds from into the money lacking account? Panic. Anger. Severe frustration. That was my day yesterday.
With the plan to close my account during internship I was not putting money into the account and letting the account sit with about $50 in it. When bill time came around I paid my bills but some small emergency spending caught me off guard putting me into the negative zone. By emergency I mean I almost ran out of gas and had no other card on me or cash to purchase the gas with except for that one bankcard. So I swallowed hard…and dug my hole and crawled in. The classy part about this whole story is that the bank I banked with had an overdraft protection system…that I paid $10 a month for….that technically I did not use because it only applied to a savings account…which I did not have. Did the bank catch that they were charging me for a service I could not even use…um no. Did the guy apologize sincerely when I called in to fix my financial situation? Yes. Did they do anything to refund that money or offer anything in compensation for their mistake? Nope. So bank account paid and cancelled.
So I am in Youngstown Ohio, finally moved to my host families place in Boardman and I officially have $175 to my name. The last time I had that little amount of money to my name was before I ever had my first job!
Luke 16:13 stays “No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.”
Two things I took from this verse…1. Its one or the other…God blesses some with money to be responsible for that money but with the attitude that it is His gift and to be used to glorify His kingdom and because of their understanding they are able to hold that financial situation. 2. Love one and hate one. Ever said to God “God why not me? Why did you not give me all the money like all those other people?” or even just try to make it for yourself any and every way that appears. I think of the ladies who sell Tupperware, candle, and a makeup line all at the same time….if not with more random products just with the idea they will get money quick and easy. Or you get that super great money making idea, but then a few months down the road that idea is just not catching anyone’s attention not even your own anymore.
Not going to lie I have thought this way many times. But I realize even again today that each question, each “if only I had the money…” is a remark of my distrust in God’s provision and promise for my life. When I see money as value I question God, when I see God as #1 value I question money.
Catching ourselves is the hard part. Sometimes that small money making scheme ends up in $400 worth of an investment that never produces an outcome but some dusty product sitting on a shelf unsold. Question....is what you are selling or pursuing a scheme to get rich quick? Or a tool that can be used in the kingdom of God while also making a few side dollars? There is a difference!

Investment takes time. Money earned takes time. If it is in God’s time though, money is not the focus, but a side outcome if it is part of the plan. This is how I view being part of Mary Kay. I can minister to women while also selling a product but not focusing on the product. I am able to focus on the care of the woman by listening, meeting one on one, even explaining the importance of taking care of the body-not just the skin-because the Bible tells us too. I focus God first, business second, and if money is an outcome then cool but it is not a focus. Many times I find the time well spent with the woman without selling a single product. God first money second.
I joined Mary Kay over a year ago because I wanted to work for myself while in college with an organization I could pair with womens ministry. The first month’s investment in MK that I made sold out and doubled my profit immediately! That of course took time and effort. I do not have an extreme story of how I made so much in the business and earned a pink Cadillac within my first year of selling MK. But I do have some words of wisdom of my time spent in the business that applies to all areas of life.
1. The time you put in is what you will get out. This is the #1 rule and is so true its scary. I would plan MK for 1 hour and get a sales call for an order before the hour was up! No joke. Or someone would seek interest in MK. After finally finishing my college courses I just began to work on MK again. Within the first day back working I got a text from a gal needing to place an order. Day two I got an email from a lady wanting to know more information about the business. And so on and so forth. This leads to my next point.
2. Everything you do deserves the effort put into it. In short, do not expect it to fall into your hands…and Do not pursue anything half hearted. See why the Luke passage is so true? If you have to pursue with all your heart then you can only pick one, money or God.
3. Whatever it is, ask God first. Sounds silly to some, but do you not think God wants to hear from us? If we find a passion in something, I promise He wants you to share it with Him. God always gave me peace when it was the right thing to do. Peace being that feeling of no matter what this will work out trusting it is in God’s hands and or He has a hand upon it. My internship was decided this way. I had a few churches spread out to pick from but none brought me a peaceful feeling. The cool thing is that the church I found, found me and God’s peace flooded my soul. It is in His hands.
4.Think about your gifts. What God has formed in you and the activities you love and may have loved all your life are meant to be used for His glory…and His glory can also be providing for you to prosper and have abundant life! Jeremiah tells us this. I am starting a voice studio not just because I can sing, but because I love to teach and watch others break out with confidence and a love for their own God personalized instrument. Think about this, God gave us each individual voices! That’s billions of different voices and though some may sound similar they are still personalized and owned only by one body. That is a lot of singing voices! Ever picture what it will be like in heaven with the choir of angels singing…and if we are there how many voices may be singing together all at once?! Slightly mind-blowing.
5. Just as God has given us gifts He expects us to cultivate those gifts and that cultivation process causes us to seek Him more. The more you seek the more you realize, eyes are opened, and what is meaningful is brought into perspective.

The point of this blog is not a guide too how to make money (what to not do and how to seek God not money) as much as it is a statement with life advice from a younger woman fresh into ministry learning a lesson on submitting to God. Everything I mentioned ran through my mind a thousand times in the past two days while I processed and found peace in a not-so-peaceful situation. Why try to control God? Who do I really think I am to think I can be in charge of making the money He did not provide me with? And how can I be so ungrateful for what I have received to question His blessings? That’s the beauty of the human nature in a fallen world. It is not important the blinded moments we have, but that we eventually refocus on God, Christ’s love and sacrifice, and listen to what the Holy Spirit has been waiting patiently to share with us.
I would like to end with this….whatever job or place you find yourself working in or not working in. Are you questioning God or trusting in His promise? God can use you anywhere, yes even in the line at the unemployment agency. God uses those with money and those without. Emptiness is found in a day where the outcome is money and only money….no matter what is gained or not gained. A day spent working for God’s kingdom is fulfilling with or without any pay. #theselessonswelearninHistime

Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have.”
Proverbs 23:4-5 “Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky life an eagle.”
Prov 30:8-9 Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily break. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, “Who is the Lord?” Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.”

More scripture to check out...

Mark 10:21-27.31
Luke 16:9-12
Ecc 5:10-15
Prov 11:4,28
Job 31:24-25.28
Eze 28:2-10
1Tim 6:5-9 10-12
James 1:9-11
Luke 9-25

Transition. The point in life between where we just were to where we are going to be in a very short amount of time…and the need to deal with that change. Four years ago I planned to be student teaching and applying to be an elementary music teacher. God had a different plan. Two years into college a hunger developed inside me. What I first wanted felt like a void so I left to find what was sustaining. What I did not know is that the sustaining piece of life I wanted I wouldn’t have to find. God had already found me. 2 years later and I have finished all the classes, passed all the exams, packed my car full of my college life and drove away to the next step in the journey of life. Two years ago God led me to Minnesota. This time I have been led to Youngstown Ohio. So after my first day at the church and exploring around the area here are some words of wisdom and a bit of my expirience during this time of transition.

Armpit hugs are more than acceptable…to other dudes. But…I guess I will accept them and understand it is a sign of acceptance…in some strange way.

Pet store visits are good for the soul…and I love the ugly doggies.

The GPS navigation on my phone can be trusted to deliver the fastest route to a destination. Unfortunately, the fastest way is not always the safest…as I found out after crossing down the wrong street in a super shady neighborhood.

I admit I dreamed of my first office space, and even if that office is only my internship office, it still counts. Too bad that office was flooded. Ha actually I didn’t mind…kinda humorous if you think about it.

My favorite part of the day was the head Pastor’s explanation on potential conflict I may encounter. “And Beth…while working with a group of men…when they flatulate.”

I am still not used to being called Pastor Beth….or the new favorite Pastor Painter.

So here I am 4 years later. I stopped by Barns & Noble today and picked up a drawing book and shading pencils. At first I panicked thinking “there’s no way I will have time for this…” but I am no longer strained with hours of class work or hours of music practice. Today I had time I did not know what to do with. So, I reckon it is time to revisit some lost loves. Oh yes, I can draw…and I can also paint. Go figure…Pastor Painter can paint. Either way this transition is exciting. I also picked out stickers for my future voice students. Tonight I am working on my future voice studio…. writing letters for the parents, making a schedule, sorting through music. All the while more and more excited for the next day at internship. I am blessed. Blessed to be part of Crossroads Church. Blessed to learn from inspiring leaders. Blessed to be part of a group of musicians that know the value of their gifts and talents and bless the Kingdom through worship…and the occasional Keith Urban song. J I am blessed to use music to teach, even when God called me into the church and not a school.

Believe God has the best for you…and His way is best. It will not always be perfect…but it will be worth every second you put into it.

 

Eph. 1:2-6

Praise for Spiritual Blessings in Christ

  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Meeting God by the toilet...

So, 12 hours to Michigan, 3 days of seminars and vesper services. What did I learn? I learned that it only takes a small amount of my food allergy to cause hours of time spent running too or sitting by the pretty porcelain bowl…and days to recover from body aches that feel worse than the flu. Thankfully I take pain well but I had the flu a few weeks ago…it did not even come close to this allergy attack. My body still feels sore and weak…very very weak.
My mind has been processing a lot the past few weeks. Some stuff needed to be thrown out just as by body threw out what it could not process, what was not good for it. Seems like a harsh analogy…but really its mild compared to what we really should do when dealing with sin in our lives. God wants to meet us at the spiritual toilet….when our souls are so broken, so sick, so weak that we can only just give it over to Him.
Something happens to a person the first time they hear their name with “Pastor” in front of it. You have immediately taken a great responsibility in your hands, and a great love….its no burden at all and I imagine kinda it like a small form of what it will be like to have my first baby someday. This protective love above all circumstances, your live means something so much more. Your purpose though not entirely clear…is. For me it was like my eyes opened even more, to hurt around me, sin around me, sickness around me, and glimpses of Joy, Hope, Peace, and the Love of the One who already took it all away if we only just hand it over to Him again.
Whether it is Pastor, Minister, Missionary, Preacher, Teacher, Servant, Helper, Attendee…it is different. The second you give over your life to God, choosing Him through His Son who dies for your sins, you are not just walking alone.
I was looking at my feet the other day. I honestly think feet are the gross, but for the first time I was just taken back. God made all those toes…and they are so beautiful to Him, a masterpiece. For me to think any other way is telling God “I don’t like what you made, you did a terrible job.” No, regardless of the flaws, or what we may “think” are flaws…we are God made. That’s something that should take the breath out of us. Before the next paragraph I would like to tag a small note to this subject. God intends for our bodies to be a temple. The unhealthy parts of us can be made healthy again in Him. Sometimes we need more care for the parts of our bodies that are already failing. So care for them. Care for your body because it is so precious. Anything you do in harm to your body harms the Maker. Believe that each time you cut into your flesh, remove necessary food or over eat, allow unholy touch, the Father’s tears flow. After the sacrifice He has already made…He suffers so much for us and yet we still believe we are alone. Let me tell you….the only one who whispers that you are alone is not of God. Let me state that once more in case you did not really read it the first time. THE ONE WHO TELLS YOU, YOU ARE ALONE IS NOT OF GOD! Dump that creature apart from the Holy One out right now. I remind myself daily I am not alone, I believe it, and I know my God is with me. He is with you too…He never left.

You honestly have no reason to be unhappy with what God made. That unhappiness…those doubts, that self-hate…that’s not God made, not part of what He intended for you to be. It is most defiantly made of this world….made separate from God. If we are to die of this world and live for Him…well what do you think that means? Keep living like WE want and not live with what HE wants? Do you not know his plans are beyond our imagination? Have we forgot that we not only have the champion on our side but that we are also fully armored and the war is already won!!!!! We can wake up each day, declare for ourselves we are Gods children and evil has no business telling lies and taking our focus on other things. We can choose wise words and not let evil seep through and become reality. We can plead the Blood of Christ over our homes, our families, our friends in need, protecting and reclaiming what is Gods. Yeah, I thought it sounded silly once too….to proclaim out loud something like that….but when the darkness comes it is a simple prayer that parts the clouds and brings the sun out again. Have faith in God and the promise that is through His son’s death.
What we want may not be what God wants. So simple…. but yet still hard to accept. If your pursuit in what you want is causing others harm…. check yourself and get praying. Just because you want this job, that special relationship with a particular person, or anything else for your life…stop and think if your crushing other in your path, and is your focus on Christ…. really on Christ. Its easy for us to reason things, believe a calling that’s not a calling at all…just something we are good at that can help along the way to us finding the calling God really does have planned out for us.
I encourage you, if God is calling you to give something up…let go. Stop fighting and just let it go. It may be the hardest thing you have ever done, but in the end you will wonder why you even had it, or did it in the first place. Two examples. My father quit smoking cold turkey when my parents found out they were having a baby. It was hard, but He had so much love for the creation he and his wife made (even if I was a small peanut at that point) that there was no question. Now the smell makes him wonder why he ever put that in his body in the first place. When I found out last year I was allergic to food that could ultimately cause serious illness in my life later on, I left those foods at the door and walked away. When you are allergic to food you are also addicted to it. What I had to give up was everything my body longed for (not in a good way) for comfort, slight happiness even. Now I can look at the same food and know how much better I feel each day waking up, energized, not swollen, healthy. Both are examples of addictions being broken, food is a serious addiction for many people…whether its excessive or lack of food. Either way our outcome should not be to please ourselves, please the world, but to please God with our body, the temple He created us to be. We need reminded that the temple is made to worship God. There is nothing in this world we can fully rely on. The only constant is in Him.
It does not matter what it is, or what is left to give. God will be there to take us up into his arms. Our strength in life is that we are His. If He is for us, who can be against us? I believe it is harder to still hold on, to say no when inside we really know God is asking us to hand whatever it is over to Him. If I found out today someone had been slandering my name for years I would be upset. If I confronted that person with proof and they still denied their actions, there would come a point they would not be part of my life because of the damage they have done and could still do. But if that person said yes, asked forgiveness, and wanted to change…I may still be careful (using wisdom and discernment) but I would not turn away from them. Being honest regardless of circumstances is difficult. To admit the worst and hope that the other person would accept and love regardless of how bad the circumstance was. Because I am human I am cautious. But God….”Oh How He Loves Us”….its not a question of if He would forgive…would He have given His son for us if He would not forgive it all? Take a step forward if you need, because even when it all seems like it is going right…we can be blindsided by our attitudes, actions, even our ability to just be content in that moment and lose passion and vision.
In a last comment, let God move you…a quote I have on my wall states that “You will never cease to be the most amazed person on earth at what God has done for you on the inside,” -Oswald Chambers. Surround yourself with people who are listening to the Holy Spirit, who have been following God’s call in their lives, and who rebuke the evil that holds parts of us from shining through. Find those people to walk with you hand in hand in this journey. The importance of having that person in your life is huge. Words are powerful. Those people will be able to say to you when your words need to change, when they are not glorifying, and lift you up with good words…(that’s a whole other subject in a half). Why is this important? Well if its not obvious already…we need to be prepared to go into the darkness and claw out way out again and again with others struggling to beat the evil. I am beginning a masters degree in Pastoral Counseling come fall. I have a duty to focus on my inner darkness and learn more battle techniques because if I am not prepared…I risk not only putting myself in the fire but also another person. I want to be able to sing the words of the Jesus Culture song “Where you go I go, what you say I say, what you pray I pray” and mean it! You should too. Following Jesus example…knowing God’s heart, listening to the Spirit. We cannot do life without God. Without God we are just moving with the world, with no real purpose, no real Love. We exist then die. I refuse to exist then die. I have already died. I live. Death is not the end for me because of a man and his love and grace that poured in blood on wooden cross.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body," 1 Cor. 6:19-20

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He alos justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:28-31

The imaginary friend who is not imaginary

Today the topic of practice of prayer came up. A student in block asked “how much time should be devoted to prayer” The answer to this was not an answer at all on time…but what is prayer…what’s the interaction with God and how do we listen? The lyrics to you wont relent came into my mind where the song says “I don’t wanna talk about you…like your not in the room. I want to look right at you, I want to speak right to you.”

The student and professor continued  for a time…and when talking about time even mentioned how they may feel guilty for not spending enough time with God. Key word Guilt. We are human, we are sinners, in a fallen world we will never be able to give God the time He deserves because we are no perfect and often pull away from God in the moments of imperfection of our lives. So here are my thoughts for the guilty feelings.

The professor told a story of how his daughter at an early age would want to climb in his lap. It was a joyous moment for him…for the daughter to look up at Daddy and say “Up”. And for a moment they were enjoying each others presence. But 20 seconds or so later the daughter would say “down” and want to continue on her way.  This is where the story ended for the class. But I would argue that’s not the end. Yes God understands we do have to continue on our way after spending direct time with him….but did He just leave the room? “I don’t want to talk about you like you’re not in the room”. What the professor didn’t tell is how He did not just leave the room leaving his 2 year old daughter alone. He still cared, and his presence was with her watching and loving even when she wasn’t directly in his arms. Does our Heavenly Father just leave the room? Do we ask Him too, or do we ask Him to stay and just be with us through our other times.

I raised my hand in class to ask just those questions and state that I practice being God’s child…his daughter. I want to walk with Him and for Him to walk with me, hold my hand, wrap his arms around me, protect me…and just like I did when I was little with my earthly Father….I want to show off his mighty “big-ness”. My Father can move mountains! And he is for me, I am my Fathers Daughter.

The professor put this in terms I had not thought of. I practice prayer…but I practice the presence of God in my life. Its kinda like an imaginary friend who not imaginary. Mentioned was a man Brother Lawrence. Below is a link to a website to his works. He was a man who just practiced the idea that God was always there, that God walked with him in whatever he did….and apparently dishwashing and kitchen work was what Brother Lawrence did. I will say often hand washing the dishes is a key time when I spend time in God’s presence. It’s a time when you can be doing something productive but not really have to think hard when doing. So my inner conversation goes to a subject on my heart and I begin to deal it out with God, whether praises, frustrations, or just silent time listening.

I challenge you to walk in your day with God. Practice His Presence.  Find times when you can start the conversation or ask Him to be with you...even if its something as simple as washing the dishes. Become his child again. He wants to spend time with you, teach you, love you. Don’t let your relationship consist of 20 minutes then walking out the door without God. Ask Him to come with you.  Just being around a person can build relationship. Enjoying each others presence. Enjoy God’s…He wants to enjoy yours.

We discover what God’s plans are through these times when we get to know Him. We gain visions for the future, God plants people on our hearts, we discover who we are in His eyes. Lives can be transformed. There is no limit with our Father. Childlike faith.

  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always,  pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

http://www.practicegodspresence.com/brotherlawrence/index.html