Strength: a definition

Along the journey of discovering more about myself I have discovered many traits and qualities good and bad. And often we discover these traits through other people when they tell us we are either completely bull headed or graceful…or both. One descriptive word I have heard often is that I am strong. But what does that mean? What is strength? Really…I cry over boys (not often…I’m more likely to make them cry...but still), have occasional panic moments over exams, even turn all the lights on in the house or dorm room just to make sure the “Boogie Man” really isn’t there. Doesn’t sound so strong to me… I like ball gowns, pink princess things, and well let’s be honest…I am a "Prima Donna"…just ask our theater professor and the entire music department faulty of Crown College. Sure I have a bit of East Coast in me, am out spoken, and really don’t hold back when something needs said…but that doesn’t mean I’m strong…that means I’m confident, loud, and slightly fearless.
About a year ago I began to learn “my” definition of a strong Christian woman. This is my definition…and this is why.


Strength: the ability to care to the fullest extent for a person during a time of need regardless of situation or past/present/future standing with the person; the giving of one’s emotions, time, & self, even when it may result in more than two days without sleep just to serve God and one person; the willingness to pray endlessly to comfort, protection, and rage war against evil for another when needed even when we may become under attack; The willingness to face evil in the eye and proclaim the blood of Christ knowing the war is already won but we still must face the Goliath; the ability to share in the pain of another’s hurt and love them as Christ loves them regardless of situation but simply because we are called and the Holy Spirit moves in us; the willingness to just serve with a simple heart; And the willingness to forgive…even when it means we won’t forget.

It is a big definition…and honestly…that’s only the beginning…I’m still learning more about this “strength” thing…I’m sure I will end my days without knowing half of what it means. But this is what I do know. Strength is not necessarily measured on muscles, how often you don’t break down and cry, and your hearts health and ability to survive a heart attack. I guess that’s the world’s definition of strength…but not God’s. Strength is found in the will and soul of a person. It is allowing the Holy Spirit to move us, even into uncomfortable situations, to serve in the kingdom.

“Jesus wept”
John 11:25-45
Crying is seen as a sign of weakness…but there is nothing weak about feeling the intense grief and pain of another person and shedding tears for them out of love for God’s children and creation. It is draining…and requires a strength that only God gives, to give hope, words, love into the situation. Remember…Jesus wept… broke down after he was “deeply moved in spirit and troubled”. What an amazing passage…
"Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"
"Yes, Lord," she told him, "I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world." And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. "The Teacher is here," she said, "and is asking for you." When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.
When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" he asked.
"Come and see, Lord," they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!"
But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?"
Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance.
"Take away the stone," he said.
"But, Lord," said Martha, the sister of the dead man, "by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days."
Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me."
When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."

“The Lord IS my Strength”
Exodus 15:2
“The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise Him, my father’s God, and I will exalt Him.”
Story time. My first semester at Crown seems to be a blur now…it was one of my best semesters of college and a large time in my life for discovery of myself and my purpose. During this time people dropped into my life that seemed to just “sense” that it was safe to open up to me about their darkness…even if I had only just met them. One such person became my roommate for that next year. After a period of time growing as sister in Christ I entered a world of spiritual warfare where she was…helped to pull her from there…and watched her life turn around as she headed into ministry. The night she was became free from years of bondage she slept on the extra bed in my old dorm room. I sat awake across the room on my bed that night fully alert and read scripture continually over her. Romans got covered at least 3 times as well as Ephesians. (Romans 8) My purpose was to protect, feed, and bless her in this time. Sleep was not necessary and though I was exhausted I was completely alert and ready to rage war on any evil that dare touch her. Did Christ not do this for us? Have we forgotten the extreme of his love? Staying up all night praying and reading scripture was such a small thing compared to dying on a cross for all mankind! Any strength that I had during that time was in love…I knew God’s love, saw Christ’s love and forgiveness that night, and wanted to continue to give that and speak of it…its nothing having to do with me…but as a Hillsong song quotes…”All for Love a Father Gave….for only Love could make a way.”

“Forgiveness and Strength”
Numbers 14:16-18
“Now may the Lord’s strength be displayed, just as you have declared. The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of their fathers to the third and fourth generation. “
Forgiving and forgetting. Forgiveness is the term used in the scriptures…but almost as often is this term “forgetting”. We are always told to put both together…but the truth of this is that just because we forgive doesn’t mean we block it from our memory. We learn from mistakes, how we are treated, how we treat others. We grow from it. It is not a bad idea to revisit those low moments of life to remember where we came from and that we really aren’t any better than the next person. OF course we must remember we are forgiven, it is in the past. I am not saying to repeat the mistake, but simply to not forget that we were brought out of darkness and forgiven.  God can bring good to any situation if we let Him. He brings light to the darkness. One of the moments recently that reminded me how forgiveness ties into strength, and Gods will, is through an old email of someone who just simply said “what you’ve shown me, forgiveness, that’s what i needed to experience not just "I’m sorry and its ok", but deep spiritual forgiveness like you’ve shown me after hurting you so badly.”…I can’t remember now even what happened between me and that friend…but just that forgiveness meant so much even when I was apparently so hurt….even then strength was growing. We have to let God take care of the rest. So we got hurt, and the hurt may be so extreme that we live with the reminder of what happened each day, but we forgive. Seek the good in what happened, maybe someone will come to Christ in the end. Pray for the one who hurt you or those you hurt. We should be pleading God for Him to forgive them and find them in their darkest places. One lost sheep is still a sheep in the flock…are you going to let that sheep just go? And we must not forget to pray for ourselves, for healing, the ability to forgive, and to not dwell.

Ephesians 3:12-21 (The Message)
When we trust in him, we're free to say whatever needs to be said, bold to go wherever we need to go. So don't let my present trouble on your behalf get you down. Be proud! My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

God isn’t looking for people of great faith, but for individuals ready to follow Him” Hudson Taylor.

God isn’t looking for people of great faith, but for individuals ready to follow Him” Hudson Taylor. This has been a quote that has followed me all summer. Senior year…well some of us are a year away from the end…some 6 months away from block and internship. There are decisions to be made, some will be planning weddings, where to live, what job to seek, what mission field to go to. It is easy to get so excited during this time, and to spend hours researching possibilities. Don’t you remember planning for college 4 years ago? Maybe you couldn’t go just anywhere…so maybe the options seemed endless. Even when we found our first college destination, it was so exciting. Real life is about that feeling x100. So in the hours I have spent in the past year thinking of missions, or master’s degree programs, seminary, or where I would love to live; I have had to lay these items down at some point. Lay them at the Cross and ask God to take the thoughts, plans, and ideas out of my mind for a while, and Ill re-visit them later. My mind and soul need to be cleared for just a time so that what is happening around me is not being ignored. For those with more than a year of school left its dream time but it’s also time to still live in community, learn lessons that help develop us along the way, and soak up all we can learning, studying, and listening. What other time in this lifetime will we have that chance, to stay up until 3 am playing campus wide hide-n-seek, taco bell runs at midnight for Baja Blast Mt Dew, or just chatting with roommates about life and God. We can live without worries for a time…at least try to.
Fear, worries, and anxiety…these are major emotions in this time. How will I pay my debt for college? How will I afford all the living expenses? I think that was my initial frightening thought. How will I possible afford to just...live? Mark 4:19 tells us…” but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.” I think I spent at least a month trying to calm myself down until I just gave up. Really what is money? Money that I am given is to provide for me and to give back to God as well. The money has always showed up, the bills always end up paid, why am I freaking out? Where God wants me and what He wants me to do is beside the money part…sure…I will have to survive. But sometimes we have to just let the worry go…its part of trusting God. Think about how often he has provided for you. This past week I met this subject face to face. My GPS led me astray on highway 12 in Montana…middle of nowhere. Of course the second I realized that I possibly just drove 6 hours into the middle of nothing where no one may be around to help me, my tire blows out! Great, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry but I’m pretty sure I did a little of both. I stepped out of my car and not even 30 seconds later flagged down a car to help me change my tire. To my astonishment the car contained a Boy Scout troop….and one of those boy scouts was none other than the youngest boy in the family I was staying with in Montana! I have never been so shocked! Hello God, thank you for not only providing help, but help I knew I could trust! And that far away from civilization….not a doubt in my mind God was protecting his daughter.
1 Peter 5:6-8 tells us to humble ourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
Every time we think of this verse we generally only read the first part. Casting all anxiety on the Lord. So often I have caught myself forgetting to read ahead. So often we do that…we don’t sit and study the context, read just a verse further, and truly process what’s being said. The enemy is prowling. Everything we worry about he has a hold on, it may be small, but at any second evil can turn it into more doubts, more fears, cause us to burst into tears and let him take hold. For me, that panic came in a breakdown over what should have been a joyful day. I was finding possible masters programs but with that excitement hit the money issue, time issue, how will I live, my parents can’t help me financially. I was pushing myself so hard with school, work, never taking a moment to rest that it caught up with me. I work in a Christian environment, my classes were Bible classes…my other small jobs were very servant like…if I’m working so hard in all these areas doing all these things for the kingdom….then why was I still bawling out of control of reality? Truth is that’s what evil wanted. I was so involved because of the whispers that I had to get an A, and I had to work as much as possible to make the money to survive. Through that I started to place it all on myself, and forget that God is already taking care of me. And I took it out of his hands and took control. I finally stopped, took a breath, and just realized the lies were pouring from all directions. Sometimes recognizing it is harder than we think. Especially in an environment when we often assume we are safe. Even though the war is already won evil still doesn’t give up….we need to be reminded that evil is present all around us but God being already victorious has given us the power through the Holy Spirit to battle any further attempts.
Fear- 1 John 4:18 states “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
Fear goes with punishment. When we become Christians, ask Christ into our hearts accepting him as Lord and Savior and Gods son, our true punishment is over. Living apart from God is the punishment for unforgiven sins. Through Christ we are forgiven. We need reminded from time to time that what happened in the past is forgiven, and though we will sin due to our still fallen world nature, we are saved. There is Grace for us, forgiveness, and we have to forgive ourselves in that process too. Being repentant does not necessarily mean we give up everything we care about, believing we don’t deserve to love, to live with any desire. God knows our desires, and it is in his time we discover who we are, what we are meant for, and his plans for us. This you will not know in a day…you will continue to discover it through life. If you feel truly called to give up all TV forever okay, but sit down and breathe…are you truly doing this in order to seek more and please God, or are you simply punishing yourself because you really have not forgiven yourself for something in the past? Remember…there will always be temptation….check it out…Jesus was tempted! It’s how we respond to the temptation…don’t let fear be part of that response unless it’s the Fear of God!
Simplicity is one of the biggest lessons I have learned this past year. The more simple things are, simpler we live, the less cluttered our days are…the more we have a chance to focus on what really matters. What really do we need to survive? Spiritual simplicity is taking one step at a time. I still have 6 months till I hit internship. I will have to spend time investigating possible places to intern, programs, and missions. But I also need to realize I live now. My mission’s field is wherever I wake up and travel each day. It is not supposed to be the “total extreme hardest thing I ever did in my life” every day. Our minds and bodies and souls aren’t meant to live constantly in those moments. There is a time to rest as well as to be in an extreme moment. Finding the balance and middle ground takes time. But even in the most dangerous missions field extreme ever…there will be times where things are still…God will be silent for a time. 1 Kings 19:12”After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.”
One way I have learned to just enjoy Gods presence quietly is in the service of cleaning…doing dishes to be exact. I work slow, take the mess one dish at a time, and in that silence I feel peace. Part of this peace is the pleasure of serving another; part of it is that it is an activity that requires a person to slow down to do. I hope I never own a dishwasher. J The point to be made is that living only on the “spiritual high moment” is dangerous. There is a “burnout” that will happen. It’s like going to camp for a week and one week later everything that seems so exciting has dropped down the regular life even though you aren’t still listening to the same music, watching bad movies, acting inappropriately etc. When you find though, in regular life the same happiness, love, peace that only God can give….it’s not about being “so pumped for God” that your just willing to jump on a plane and go to missions. It’s being willing to let God take you…in his time…even if it’s not for years where He wills it. And knowing that your service time is now even in doing the dishes alone with no one else to see. This is not being comfortable, but balanced so that when the decisions to go or stay come….you can decipher what God wants, not what you “feel” you want to do. How dangerous it is when we just “feel” we have to go right now….taking it all into our own hands out of Gods.
Ever notice how when we defend our faith Christians generally seem to get super defensive and come across very harsh? We get so excited and hyped up we forget to be gentle to just love. This letter is not meant to be a “harsh letter” though some truths are difficult to think about. I simply wish to encourage stepping back for a minute. Reflect over what God has provided you with, your abilities, desires, gifts, and simple living necessities. When you think of all the possibilities ahead…grab a poster board or sticky notes and write down all the possibilities. Put them on the wall, pray over them, ask God for his will, and walk away for a time. Go see what is now….time will pass only faster each year…you will get to graduation, to marriage, to moving to the next destination. But there are people all around you that just need to talk, to be with you right now, to help you and show you Christ’s love as you return the same. We have time to think of what “OUR” future is…but I plan to not focus entirely on “MY” future…but also recognize that my life is not my own but Gods…and there are futures walking all around me…and I want to know what I can do for those people right now even if it’s as simple as making a copy of a document for them…my mission is right here before I say goodbye and leave for the next.

Jeremiah 29:11-14
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with ALL your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord,” and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you, ”declares the Lord,” and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

Please remember along your travels…Gods plan is NOT to harm you…but to give you hope and a future. Live every day with the hope for the next even when you do not know if it will be your last. Do not dwell on death…that’s Gods business, not yours. Just think…one more person needs to hear the Truth…its all worth it for just one more person…and there will always be “one more person”.

“Dear Father,
I pray for rest to those who read this letter. Let your Holy Spirit reveal what each reader may need to know at the point of their lives they are at. If it is to share it with another let it be fruitful the words that I write. I pray that their mission’s fields are made clear and each day they can see God’s blessings as well as the opportunities to bless others. To be bold, but to also be silent in those moments where you need to speak. I pray for clarity in scripture, that what they read is made clear to them, and for protection against evils plans to confuse and cause worry, fears, and anxiety. The future belongs to you God and I pray for those willing to go. “