A conversation tonight shed some light to the past few days of my life. Upon explaining my sleep deprivation situation in the past few days my dear friend Winnie stated to me this. “Fasting from sleep…awakened to God” “Its pretty beautiful actually…very few people sacrifice for the King.”
So whats been going on. Well two nights ago I didn’t sleep. I kinda felt it was due to stressful reasons, to news I had received that I did not want to hear nor accept a possibility of. But laying in my bed these thoughts and images kept popping into my head…with this feeling that I just needed to pray. Pray….Pray…Pray. So 8am rolls around…and Im awake…I then go through my day…slightly agitated that I was awake all night…still thinking this has to do with the stressful news I was told the day before. Classes end…Im exhausted….and I go to my dorm, attempt to fall asleep…and fail. Um hello…Ive been awake for way to long….I need rest.
So Im sitting at my computer….and it hits me…start reading scripture….start writing. So I did…and about 5 songs worth of lyrics sprouted. Course they arnt what we would generally like to sing….but then I started writing a prayer…about everything I had read….about falling in love, falling towards Love, either way just falling.
That’s exactly what I was doing…falling in Love all over again with who God is…and what Christ did for us….the beauty of a sacrifice so perfect it saved my life. Because I accepted Christ…I died with Him on the Cross…to live with Him now. I can fall for Him because He will catch me. Sing, because no matter the note He will hear and love it. And that Love I can give out…praise…sing…worship…
After all I know/how could I not love?
Sleep left me because I needed to be awakened to something so important…and it could not wait. I do not want to make God ever wait for me. And I already have…
After a nights sleep again…I can honestly say…He is my strength, my song, my hope, and I will rest in Him before putting so much value on sleep again. If I had not stayed awake…taken that time…Im not sure I would have listened.
If he says go….will you go?
If he says don’t be afraid…will you still fear?
If he says forgive…will you say no?
If he says love…will you continue to hate?
If he says rest in me only for this time….will you find rest in other means?
Love is the outcome/and right now/nothing else matters….
How many times to we just say no….go on with our days…act like nothings wrong…but really we need to break….to listen. What will it take for God to break us? To just give it all to Him to use…giving our lives….Just Dying to Live.
Iceland Church
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
This morning I woke up feeling super wiped out…exhausted and half sick, which is strange considering I haven’t really had a lot to do with my 15-credit semester thus far. It was so hard to wake up this morning. I was even late to my first class and didn’t care. An overwhelming feeling of dread had just took me over…. and really it was without reason. So after class I grabbed a Rockstar and headed to Chapel.
Lets rewind. A few days ago I started to feel a pull to a special woman of God who is dear to my heart. Her struggle with schoolwork this year had really been showing on her face and there was just this urgency I felt to sit and talk with her. When I say talk I mean…. ask a few questions I didn’t need a response to, and see what she needed to spill about life, ministry, what her stress. This particular woman really stuck out to me and I was reminded multiple times a day to pray for her.
So Chapel…our chapel is basically filled now…overabundance of students (super cool) but if you are late there is limited seating. The woman I had been praying for came up to find a seat and without luck ended up sitting on the stair steps of the gym bleachers….not far from me. The first worship song starts…this overwhelming sense came on me and I felt like bawling. Um hello I am a generally happy person and had no reason to be upset at all…. then it hit me. I felt the pull again…and the call of the Holy Spirit. “Get up…and go to her”….
There are moments that make it all worth it. This was defiantly one of those moments. I sat next to her asked how she was doing and instantly we both started to cry and I sat and hugged her tight…. whatever my strange issue was…ceased….and I realized. I was being prepared for just this moment…ten minutes was so important that I had lost sleep, felt this sense of panic and stress. …a general discomfort, because someone had to just go sit and hug one person just for the duration; of a few praise songs. Someone needed to feel with her. Hello discernment gift…
Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work” Ephesians 4:14-16
Needless to say God spoke loads of info into both our hearts during chapel. Where we are is where God means us to be, though we have a choice to follow or lead lives outside His will. What is internal will eventually surface, all pain, anger, issues of sin.
Further talk after chapel led to more questions about our lives. What is major and what is minor and which ones are we focusing on? What do we need to eliminate now because it is not a necessary tool for the kingdom? What interferes with our time with God and ministry? Where do we find the peace only God can give? Is it really well with our souls?
As for the last question I would like to share this. It is well with my soul because nothing else matters when the Spirit moves me to service. The time will be right when its Gods time, and its in even the 10 min times when I am reaffirmed that this is what is worth my life. Christ is worth my life, my time, and my service. I can not be unhappy about where I am now….I can only be joyful. Evil will always use lies to attack, especially when we are really moving forward. But we just have to remember to remind ourselves; it’s not all on our shoulders…its in God’s hands.
So before this woman of God left to take a test she had spent so many hours studying for and stressing over until she was in tears I shared this with her…If we leave it in Gods hands…. after we have properly studied, devoted time to the test, we have to come to a point where it is entirely in His hands, pray for clarity of mind but remember He has brought us here, and if it is us working towards Him and for Him, we cant just fail…its when its no longer His will or we rely to heavily upon ourselves that we begin to stumble. The goal was to pass and keep moving. Keep your eyes fixed on Him and see what He will do through you…
Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
This morning I woke up feeling super wiped out…exhausted and half sick, which is strange considering I haven’t really had a lot to do with my 15-credit semester thus far. It was so hard to wake up this morning. I was even late to my first class and didn’t care. An overwhelming feeling of dread had just took me over…. and really it was without reason. So after class I grabbed a Rockstar and headed to Chapel.
Lets rewind. A few days ago I started to feel a pull to a special woman of God who is dear to my heart. Her struggle with schoolwork this year had really been showing on her face and there was just this urgency I felt to sit and talk with her. When I say talk I mean…. ask a few questions I didn’t need a response to, and see what she needed to spill about life, ministry, what her stress. This particular woman really stuck out to me and I was reminded multiple times a day to pray for her.
So Chapel…our chapel is basically filled now…overabundance of students (super cool) but if you are late there is limited seating. The woman I had been praying for came up to find a seat and without luck ended up sitting on the stair steps of the gym bleachers….not far from me. The first worship song starts…this overwhelming sense came on me and I felt like bawling. Um hello I am a generally happy person and had no reason to be upset at all…. then it hit me. I felt the pull again…and the call of the Holy Spirit. “Get up…and go to her”….
There are moments that make it all worth it. This was defiantly one of those moments. I sat next to her asked how she was doing and instantly we both started to cry and I sat and hugged her tight…. whatever my strange issue was…ceased….and I realized. I was being prepared for just this moment…ten minutes was so important that I had lost sleep, felt this sense of panic and stress. …a general discomfort, because someone had to just go sit and hug one person just for the duration; of a few praise songs. Someone needed to feel with her. Hello discernment gift…
Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work” Ephesians 4:14-16
Needless to say God spoke loads of info into both our hearts during chapel. Where we are is where God means us to be, though we have a choice to follow or lead lives outside His will. What is internal will eventually surface, all pain, anger, issues of sin.
Further talk after chapel led to more questions about our lives. What is major and what is minor and which ones are we focusing on? What do we need to eliminate now because it is not a necessary tool for the kingdom? What interferes with our time with God and ministry? Where do we find the peace only God can give? Is it really well with our souls?
As for the last question I would like to share this. It is well with my soul because nothing else matters when the Spirit moves me to service. The time will be right when its Gods time, and its in even the 10 min times when I am reaffirmed that this is what is worth my life. Christ is worth my life, my time, and my service. I can not be unhappy about where I am now….I can only be joyful. Evil will always use lies to attack, especially when we are really moving forward. But we just have to remember to remind ourselves; it’s not all on our shoulders…its in God’s hands.
So before this woman of God left to take a test she had spent so many hours studying for and stressing over until she was in tears I shared this with her…If we leave it in Gods hands…. after we have properly studied, devoted time to the test, we have to come to a point where it is entirely in His hands, pray for clarity of mind but remember He has brought us here, and if it is us working towards Him and for Him, we cant just fail…its when its no longer His will or we rely to heavily upon ourselves that we begin to stumble. The goal was to pass and keep moving. Keep your eyes fixed on Him and see what He will do through you…
Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
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