HOME

Humbling ourselves does not mean we think less of ourselves but rather remove our own wants, thoughts, and self from the situation so that Christ can take hold and shine through. For the first time in a long time I am really focusing on listening. Listening to the point I don’t even give my own thoughts on the subject, just listen and pray God will reveal the answer. The scary thing is….He does. It’s like He is letting me know I don’t have to take the responsibility to help in any other way but to just tell Him. How many times do we get frustrated wishing people would just understand? Have we taken time to go to God and ask Him to get involved or consider ourselves adequate enough to handle the situation ourselves? Just another lesson in submitting to God I guess…

I have felt for so long that I am running from Home. I honestly don’t really know the word…In the past year I have been longing, craving, for stability, rest, a home. So post college, I have my job, a beautiful house to live in, a precious puppy to take care of, an amazing church to serve in, and neighboring churches to connect with and still there is this longing. Tuesday night a friend and I attended a local church college group. The challenge of the night was a listening exercise. Go figure. How often do we really take time to let God speak or are we so filled with noise and our own words we cant hear His breaking through. Of course my word was Home. I guess I thought I would get some epic wordage from God…but the more this word unravels I see there may be a door opening that was locked until just this moment in time. With the word I got this image. I was in my home church lobby….alone…I have always thought about the windows in this lobby because it is entirely windows on all the walls…and rays of pure light were shining through, and the world faded away for a moment. Everything was still, warm, simple, and pure. His presence was so strong but so gentle, just light, purest of light.

 There is something that happens when I hear certain hymns. I get this feeling, like I am in that room, but the presence is so strong I cannot hold myself back from tears.

 Psalms 56:8 says, “You've kept track of my every toss and turn
      through the sleepless nights,
   Each tear entered in your ledger,
      each ache written in your book.”

Is it possible to have joyful tears and tears of pain at the same exact time?

Something brings me back to Home…but what is Home? I think Home to me is this longing I constantly have for those glimpses of Heaven on Earth when the Holy Spirit completely takes over all those there to worship and each heart and soul is draw to their knees before the Throne. Heaven is brought to Earth when hearts align in worship.

I have thought alot lately about where I have come from to where I went to where I am now. I think I spent so much time looking for something to do, some ministry to start, some new group to be part of, that I didn’t give God a chance to just tell me where to go next. It all worked out of course it seems. God can take anything and use it for His glory in the end. But now, I am truly at a crossroads in life. I have the degree, I have gifts, talents, and the will to go. But no clue really what’s going to happen. I have said it a lot lately…God only shows us glimpses so we don’t get too carried away and try to finish the race before we have even taken a step. And in some scary ways God has started to unravel some pieces I didn’t expect. And placed certain people in my path to begin to bring me back from my running. And believe me I have been running, just the wrong race. If I say I trust God, but then make an excuse, well…I really am not trusting. And my human nature would much rather do it my way. Live it safe even though I seem like a person who would jump at the risk. Would I really move again if He called? Or would I make an excuse to stay? If a person comes to me for encouragement, prayer, or a listening ear and because of my own want, or opinion, or down right fear I turn them away when it is obvious God placed them in my path…what am I saying to Him? Humility means taking myself out of the equation.

So what is Home…well…the whole definition is still not clear. But some pieces are coming together. I began in worship; my memories of home are moments where the presence of God felt like a hand of my shoulder. In that lobby, at my Grandmothers piano playing the same three chords for hours just soaked in Love, leading worship for the first time at camp and watching every single person drop to their knees crying out to God and seeing healing flood to them, those chapels at college where the band would worship for over an hour and walk of stage as no one in the room moved but continued to sing praise to God without the band…for the next hour. Walking through the woods alone as a child but knowing I am never really alone and believing it so much I talked out loud to Jesus because He was right there walking with me. I devoted my life to worship in music, in words, in how I love. Worship is and will always be the main focus, that I cannot deny. I don’t know what the next week holds, or month, or year. But I can now take each day as it comes, knowing God has each day numbered, and holds it in the palm of His hand. And He is smiling at me and crying with me. His plan will always be better than the one I can create myself. I am praying He allows me the chance to live my life bringing glimpses of Heaven to His children.

Revelation 5

Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they were saying:

   “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,
   to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength
   and honor and glory and praise!”

 Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying:

   “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
   be praise and honor and glory and power,
for ever and ever!”