Encouragement...

Philippians 2
Imitating Christ's Humility
1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Senior year has not been what I expected. In fact its been exactly opposite than I thought it would be.
This is a time I am preparing to leave. By senior year in high school we know who will be friends past graduation day. This time….not only will I be gone before graduation, but if I am in Africa I will completely miss the graduation ceremony. This time I'm thinking....and I really going to leave this area…leave everyone behind…again? And if I do, do I leave all those friendships as well. Crown is different. Crown is like summer camp to me, in fact that was one of the reasons I came to Crown College. Crown felt like my summer camp which is most defiantly my favorite place on earth. I'm leaving the “bubble” and this time part of me doesn’t want to go, but part of me cannot wait. There's some serious battle ahead.
We never really see the hardships coming until they have jumped on your back, dug claws in. Trust gets broken, friends loose what once was, and sometimes you just have to let go and walk away. Sometimes there's nothing else left to do than pray for peace for each other and your own self and just let it go. At this point, when I'm leaving in just about 6 months, I would never have guessed Id be where I'm at, at this place, doing what I'm doing now, and even beginning to separate myself from this place and these people. I see the light at the end of the college tunnel…and its calling.
So in this time when everything goes wrong, I know Ive sat back and though, I'm pretty much a horrible person, regardless of right and wrong, I question what I'm doing…if I can really lead people, and those little whispers are in my ear. ‘your not good enough, your music means nothing, why even try, your destructive, how ugly you are, your personality is too strong, see how you lost so much?’ But this is what God began to say through other people…
A: “When are you updating your blog? Ive been waiting to read more?”
B: “This song is so good, I want to listen again”-listening to a song I recorded even when it was poorly recorded”
C: (tears in eyes) You have to send me that song”
D: “When you led worship…I felt like you really led…thank you”
E: “You were right on…right on”
F: “Ive been following your blog…and I can tell Gods moving you and working in you”
G: “I just want to tell you when I see you walking in the hall, I see a very beautiful woman of God”-the most random 2 am facebook message I have ever had with someone I never really get to talk to.

So much more encouragement has occurred in the past days…from friends and Crown faculty.

Finally, a family member who I honestly have not seen since I was maybe 8 years old said this to me.
Encouragement from a soldier….
“ I pray for safety and comfort but there's always that chance that I won't make it back home on day. Many haven't and many more won't but some day, you'll finish school and will lead, comfort and provide support to others.”
After this…this is what I can piece together…
God: you are a leader, you bring tears & pull at hearts for me helping to break down walls, you let me guide you in writings to say what others need to hear, you are and will be a comfort, a provider, and a support for others.
When God speaks, when I hear what I need to hear its generally through other people. And in the past week I have heard so much encouragement even from people who I never really stop and talk too. I also heard some criticism that I accept and appreciate. But I just want to say…. everyone makes mistakes. I have a lot of grace for others, but I also have a standard of morals to live by regardless of my past and what I once thought was okay. You can say..."I thought you would understand because you have been there" and I will...but somethings I cannot agree with, even if I myself have been there. I will never be blameless, no one will. But as a young man once described me “That girl is legit”…and I want to remain that way regardless of times it seems like I am the reason for all the wrong.
When the world crashes down around us…we just have to stop and listen…even through the crashing walls.

And the Father will let His children know it is alright...