A Swift Kick & SomeTough Love

My adviser told me to have something to say. Especially when you write lyrics…obviously there should be something said, a message conveyed. So I’m sitting here listening to “Lay Em Down” by Need to Breathe thinking…hmm we just need to Lay Em Down. You know this place in infectious…a person has to really battle to stay afloat…not gonna lie…I’m glad it’s a challenge sometimes. I’m glad things eat at me until I have to sit down and get into the Word. I’m glad I will most likely not be content often. Just this one repeated topic keeps appearing. So its time to lay down my thoughts. Lets be real for a minute ya’ll…please think about this seriously, because if you are not already…you might be very close to being stuck distracted by this world’s definition of love and not God’s.

Psalm 59:15-17

They wander about for food
   and howl if not satisfied.
But I will sing of your strength,
   in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
   my refuge in times of trouble.

You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
   you, God, are my fortress,
   my God on whom I can rely.

Does anyone else see there is this one huge similarity everyone has in this area….no one is happy just being single. Not gonna lie I’m generally pretty happy about my singleness…mostly because I realize my relationship with God is more important at this very moment. It’s just not time. Hallelujah. But that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with the thoughts…what if? What if he hadn’t just gave up? What if that other he hadn’t just disappeared from my life? “I wonder about that guy…he’s kinda cute”. No of course…being human I have my moments….I’ve just noticed lately I’m the one having the exact opposite thoughts. Its not time.  So what changed?  How about a fuel in my heart powered by Gods love for his people. To want to pour so much in and not to be distracted at this time.  I am just beginning to sink into full time ministry…Hello Awesome Time in my life!!!!

When I love I love 100%...its a blessing and a curse. This means that 1. I will probably make a super awesome wife someday (I hope) 2. I have an accidental tendency to pour too much into that one person and get distracted. Evil knows how to use a good thing and make it wrong. Now I’m not saying that I will absolutely not date anyone right now because of all this…but I’m also not in the game to just date…and defining what that “just date” actually meant took me the past 6 months to figure out. Its fresh in my mind…made up from being realistic and listening to the Holy Spirit so that when I’m told to hang it up and run the other way I will. So hard. Do not even act like that’s easy…I know I’ve heard it a thousand times from myself and others…”but what if”…”but I just like that person so much”. Yeah. Truth hurts. Stop ignoring and start listening…it could save you from a ton of heartbreak in the end.

We all know that guy who just dates one after another after…another…. and another. And you just have to be like  “OOOOKAY! We get it…just calm down already!” Okay so check it…think about it for a minute.

1.   How many people have you dated or had a relationship with in the last year? IF there’s a pattern…notice that pattern. If you just move from one to the next…especially in the same place or area….people will notice.

2.   Was there a break in between the “dated” so you could heal and they could heal? This is the worst…. seriously boys and girls. Do not just start dating someone two weeks later. Its going to be a rough start. The guy is filling a void and the girl is wondering if he’s not still thinking about the last girl. And what about the girl recently ex’d. Well try not to take offense…realize you need time…and know God is there. I wrote a blog previously about how God is our father…and generally fathers are not happy about their daughters being mistreated. Guys…. imagine this. When you are inappropriate…HE is ALWAYS WATCHING! Imagine God showing up knocking on the steamed up car window while your making out saying “That’s my princess…get ur paws off FOOL!” haha kinda lil  Mr. T moment but yeah….scary! ^{(Hebrews 4:12-13)}"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Everything is uncovered. And ladies…I know my relationship with my father was rocky for a while…the whole ex marine tough as steel thing did not work well when I needed a hug or told I was princess…. but….that is no excuse because I know through my relationship with my heavenly father that I am worth more than diamonds. He is with me always…even when my earthly father is not. Get your relationship with Him going…understand his love first because there is no one in this world who will ever not let you down at some time. One perfect man already came and died…but He saved us so we have life, and a greater purpose than to just exist thinking this is as good as it gets. From the sermon last Sunday the pastor said not to think the best days have already passed…but that they are to come. I don’t hang to the past because I know my future will be so amazing. I want something to look forward too…. and God is worth living for now.

3.            Honestly…have you thought about what you really intend from this relationship? Simply this. If you intend to just date.... then it will end 98% of the time in brokenness. If you intend marriage…make sure you are ready for what you intend. Oh and that other 2%...you don’t want to be the 2% that doesn’t have a feeling about anything that happened…that just a cold way of going about it…completely of self and no one else. I have a lot of faith in people if you cant tell from my percentages.

4.   Do you hold an unrealistic image of the person you want in your mind? So often we become obsessed with how great the other person is. You cant stop texting…stop talking…there’s no fault in them. Until there is…and there will come a point that when you find out all the ugly beneath and you had idolized them…that ugly may just tear you apart from one another.

5.   When you date do you disappear from your normal friends? Are people asking what happened to you? Be healthy about your time. Its not a bad idea to have days set that are no talking days…. and one that’s a date night. One that will be no texting. Or a set phone time. Don’t over do it right away…because we want to be your friend too!

6.   Are you distracted? Seriously…just like the previous question…. does everything now revolve around this person? YOU’RE NOT MARRIED YET! And even if you were…no everything is about that person…quite a bit more is yes…. but you have to know you can stand alone before you stand with another. Know who you are separately and grow in Christ…not by your uncontrollable texts and 3-hour nightly phone conversations.

7.   Is there an age difference? Seriously not to offend anyone but age does matter at least a bit…because where we are in life matters. I once sat down with a guy to talk about dating and discovered all the time we invested was nothing because we were in two different spots in life. He was Post College with his own place and a career and I was a Jr in college. Two very different places. Not that it doesn’t sometimes work…but it can be a large enough gap that you cant fill it. Especially when it comes to what we expect from a relationship. If I expect the man I date to be at all my college functions…. but he was not comfortable with that…well…gap. GAP! And okay…no offense…but I do remember when it was illegal for someone over 18 to date under 18. Please…save it. Truth. When you are 18…you have just began to know the world. When you are 19 you are like “okay I can pretty much do anything and everything by myself”. When your 20…your not a teen anymore. And when your 21…all you get is the ability to legally drink…. you still have a long ways to go before you know much at all about yourself and life. 21 has been a big year for me learning how to just live…. or truly live. You do not have to rush to find someone and get married. And for those that do great! But for those still beginning the search…proceed calmly with a clear mind. And Yeah I did that 16 dating a 19-20 year old thing…. and as a 16 year old girl…life is completely uncertain and you just begin to really get freedom to stay out late…drive…ya know the basics. As a 16-year-old girl I was all about my relationship…till it sucked me up and spit me out. Young men…listen. You will have a huge impact on that girl. My largest impact relationship was my first….and in some ways it was my worst. It paved the way for the next mistakes and thoughts that I did not understand. Young men…you may have daughters someday…don’t be stupid. “But I just like her sooo much” does not cut it. That’s what I call the beginning of obsession. Be obsessed with God. Respect his creation and understand if your main reason for dating someone is because you just “like her sooo much” your listening to your own self-thoughts. Why do you like her? Hmm? I can assure you “just because she’s pretty” or “ she’s so funny” is not enough. When the honeymoon stage ends…she’s not so pretty anymore…and the only comical part is how fast you want out of that relationship.

8.   What’s you dream? God plan is more important. If that person is not part of that plan…your fighting the wrong battle and you are pulling between two sides. I remember only one guy that I could sit with and get soooo excited over Gods plan for my life….and I didn’t even know what that plan was. Luckily for me that boy knew it wasn’t time to actually date me…and he let me go. I didn’t understand why then…but I do now. He was actually listening to God…and though I didn’t want too I knew it was okay. Talk about a real man. How many times do you know a man did the utmost right thing because he listened to God and didn’t just make up an excuse? Believe me I’ve heard all the “God told me excuses” LAMESAUCE! Tip for the boys *girls can tell by how you look at her…or don’t look at her at all if you were being honest and true in what you say. There is no hiding. And if you try to just be cold…then we really know. Don’t lie about what God’s moving you toward...eventually others will see too. He is not an excuse.

9.   Who are you following…God or that relationship. I know my biggest mistake is to think I can adjust my life to someone else’s…when I know full well I am actually pretty untamable and in the end God always wins my plans and future. For instance, I moved to Minnesota transferring colleges and all because a boy was involved. Yes he was part of it…I had a backup plan that I would just transfer again if it didn’t work out. STUPID! SO STUPID! Haha but God worked it out so well…even when I didn’t listen…I still found out who I am in Him…and how to rely on His love. I have no question I made the right choice even if it was partially for the wrong reasons. I know my passions, what I am partially meant to do with my life, how to serve and how to really live….to wake up blessed and happy because God presence is with me and Christ has his arms wrapped around me.

So…what now. I just slapped a few of you in the face….maybe even punched some in the gut. Tough. I have felt this urgency to just grab a few people lately and just say STOP FOR A SECOND AND LISTEN! Take a moment! Breathe! If you read this and are instantly in the “this is totally not me at all and I cannot relate” sit down and ask someone else to answer the questions from the outside…you may be surprised. Oh…and pick someone other than that special someone….a spiritual mentor or close friend who will tell you the hard truth when you need it regardless of the fit you will throw. And I know I mention the men a lot before talking to the girlies…and Id also like to add. Ladies you have a huge responsibility when you date that special young man. He cannot do everything…you need to be firm and grounded just as he should be. Know what you hold as morals…don’t tempt…reevaluate situations if you need. Helping him is part of our design. Be a woman of God…worthy to be praised…worth more than all the treasures of this world. Surround yourself with guidance too. The Holy Spirit often works through those around you. We just have to listen.

Men. The most attractive thing about a man is the moments he is with and following God. There is such a difference about a man who thrives from his relationship with God and sees your beauty for your relationship with God. He is still human and will make mistakes…but when Jesus shines in him…he will know what to do when he does even if it takes a bit of time to process. I desire conversation that is Spirit filled…the man who calls just to tell me a verse from scripture and nothing else. Who get so excited for what God did in his life that day or what could be done the next day. When I hear stories of married couples with complimenting spiritual gifts I just want to cry. How amazing when two people are so connected with God individually that he brings them together as one in such a magnificent way.

I see relationships as part of my ministry now. Who I date will affect that. My leadership to others should not be hindered but helped grow. To me it is not worth risking just any date. There should be pursuit….and time. There is nothing to rush and what I want…I remind myself is not as important as what God wants. God knows my desires…and as long as I am listening He will let me know when and whom He has planned for me. Each day I have to remind myself of that. I hope you do too.

Scripture to ponder...

Romans 5:5
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

 Romans 8:27-28

 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

^{Jeramiah 29:11-12}
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.